39 plus vat

So very VERY boring, married (need rescuing by knight in shining armour with huge bank balance and tricky ticker) old woman with 2 kids (Theo aged 16 and Ysabella aged 13) and a barking mad, very OLD, husband - no improvement there. Collection of cats, dead gerbils and absolutely no goldfish whatsoever. Ask me anything else you want to know, and I might tell you.

Saturday, August 26, 2006

Hair for sale.....

Theo had beautiful long, lustrous, ringlet-ty (?), glossy hair with natural auburn highlights. He grew it quite long for a 14 year old boy really, it was almost elbow length. I loved his swishy, curly hair (when it was clean) and when he was in a real good mood he'd let me play with his sausage hair.

He had it all cut off the other day. Actually looks lovely. He's becoming quite a handsme young man.

Jonathan said to ask for the hair back so we could sell it (yup, he's a bit weird,) so she gave me it back in a ponytail in a carrier bag. Suddenly the lovely, always-wanting-to-fiddle-with-it hair has become quite a revolting, gruesome artefact that is languishing in the kitchen.

So, does anybody want to buy this bloody hair?

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Thursday, August 24, 2006

Hot, sweaty bedroom action

I'll apologise upfront for any typos, Lester (the cat) is 'helping' me by walking all over the keyboard.

Back to all that bedroom action........

Seemed like a good idea at the time to have wardrobes fitted into our bedroom. With new wardrobes I mighted be tempted to put things away. The nice man came, measured up, quoted a reasonable (who am I trying to kid) price that I justified by saying I'd have spent more on cigs if I still smoked. So we (the royal we) said 'Ooooh yes please.' 'Ha, ha, sucker,' said the nice man, 'we'll come and do it on 6th September.'

And then they rang up and said 'Lucky you, we can fit you in on 29th August.' Which might have been lucky - except we had to do everything else.

The everything else involved clearing out everything from the spare bedroom, sending the furniture to charideeee, redecorating, including wallpapering, and shampooing the carpet. Then we had to move everything out of Theo's bedroom, including dismantling his wardrobes and moving them to the spare bedroom - and taking all his other furniture downstairs to go to charidee - and decorating, and carpet shampooing.

Next up was dismantling the wardrobes from our bedroom and moving some to the spare room and some to Theo's room.

And shifting all those bloody clothes in and out of wardrobes, into charity bags, into the bin and those items that weren't fit for any of those things into bags for my sisters to poke through. Now we're down to undies in carrier bags in our bedroom and full storage boxes for bedside tables. And bits of stuff eveywhere.

It may be dull, it may be raining but it's still August and too hot to be heaving all this stuff around.

Anyway, yesterday the furniture charidee people came to collect (a day early??) the furniture; so we're 1 x double wardrobe, 1 x 7-drawer chest, 2 x 3 drawer bedside chests, 1 x white Ikea table, 1 x 3 drawer wooden chest, 2 x bookshelves lighter than we were, and this morning 4 large bags went to the ordinary charity collection.

Does the house look any tidier? As if!

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Sunday, August 20, 2006

Who stole my fish?

Once upon a time we had -

2 ordinary goldfish (Ysabella's)
3 fancy goldfish (mine)
3 minnows (Theo's)

Mine, being in-bred and a bit faulty, died first, although they did last well over a year.

When we were last on holiday, Paul killed Ysabella's monster goldfish.

So, I deduced, as there had been no more deaths, or removal of fish (that any one has 'fessed up to) we had 1 ordinary goldfish and 3 minnows.

How wrong can you be - we only have 1 ordinary goldfish and 2 minnows.

So were the fuck has the other one gone?

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Wednesday, August 09, 2006

Once I was less boring

but now all I have to say is that it cost me nearly £173 to buy Ysabella's school uniform. Not even started on Theo's.

Every time the size increases, the price increases. Guess it'll cost me around £2,000 for Theo's blazer then.

Fookin rip off!

Do they have naturist schools anywhere?

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Tuesday, August 08, 2006

Paul killed my big fish

Been away on holiday to Ibiza. Very hot, very humid, very obnoxious kids (and husband.) But I managed to have a reasonaly good time.

Despite Paul trying to sabotage it - twice.

First he lent me some books to read. I took 4 with me. I read the first one. Awful, simply awful. The worst book I have ever, ever read. Kinky Friedman, can't remember what the book was called - don't go there ever, I'm begging you. It was only about 5 pages thick and on every page he was 'cradling the blower', 'going for a Nixon' and referring to 'Peruvian (or was it Bolivian? who knows, who cares) marching powder' at least 5 or 6 times.

Terrible. The author's family must own a printing press or have the publisher by the short and curlies cos I have no idea why anyone would volunteer to publish such a load of crap.

Then he killed the fish. The biggest fish - must have been one hell of a fight, that fish was huge. Didn't even break the news gently. Just a rather callous text.

Then I read another of the books he lent me 'The Time Traveller's Wife' - absolutely beautiful, and normally I hate love stories.

I have forgiven him for the fish, but not that dire book.

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