Controversial decision

This weekend I made a controversial decision. I decided to let my 12 year old son smoke at home. There are many reasons I have done this, here are a few.

1) We knew he was smoking, but he was telling us he wasn't, although he knew we knew. I would prefer to remove this necessity for him to lie to us.

2) He was spending every possible minute hanging around the park with some decidedly dodgy characters, so that he could smoke. I don't want him to spend every spare minute like this and I really wanted to get him away from the majority of these kids.

3) He was asking strangers outside the local shop to buy cigarettes for him. I don't think this is fair to these strangers, and it could also provide any passing paedophile with an opportunity to lure him away with the promise of fags.

4) He had stolen cigarettes from us in the past. I want to know what he is smoking and that he is paying for his own.

4) He was getting bad-tempered and agressive with us all when he was getting agitated about getting out of the house for a fag.

5) We live in a small village where everyone knows everyone else's business. This is between him and us, and sod all to do with the local busybodies.

6) I didn't want him smoking in front of younger kids who might see it as a cool thing to be doing.

7) I didn't want him smoking in front of older kids who might bully him into giving them cigarettes.

8) I don't want him hanging around with the park smoking club when they decided tobacco is not quite giving them enough, and maybe they should try something else..........

There are some other reasons too, but those are the main ones. I have told him I do NOT approve of him smoking, and I think he is foolish to have started because it is so bad for your health - and you bank balance. I have told him my reasons for letting him smoke at home.

The rules I have laid down are fairy simple. If his sister is about he smokes in the garden or garage, out of sight. He keeps his cigarettes and lighter in the house. His friends are NOT allowed to smoke at our house. He only asks his dad or I to get cigarettes for him - and he gives us the money.

I'm still torn up inside about the whole thing. I really, really, really don't want him to smoke, but he does, and because of that I want to try to keep some control over it.

Yesterday he was the most pleasant and helpful he has been for months. He was at home most of the day. He was nice to his sister. He apologised for lying and being deceitful about the whole smoking thing.

I want my kids to feel they can come to us about anything. I know they will make some choices that we will most certainly not approve of. And before you say anything I know that at 12 he is still a child and can't be trusted to make sensible decisions. But I truly can't think of anything to stop him smoking. Grounding him, stopping his allowance etc etc has not worked, and I want to be able to keep an eye on him cos he's still my baby and I love him.