Stepford wife wannabee
I was getting in the car this morning and my nextdoor neighbour (retired) said something to the effect of it was ok for me going off to work etc etc, as though I was the lucky one, and I said to him, all I wanted to be once I had kids was a stay-at-home mum.
To say he looked shocked was an understatement, but not half as shocked as I was that he actually thought I wanted to go to work.
I work because I need the money. It's that simple.
I was 'trying' for a baby for 10 years and when it eventually happened I wanted to stay at home and enjoy my baby, and the one after that. But it was not to be. Ok, I guess we could downsize our life, which, in the grand scheme of things, is better than many, but not as good as some. But we made a conscious decision to live where we live, and took the consequences (me working) on the chin.
Yes, we have been on holiday this year, but my daughter was just short of 6 before we went abroad to stay with my mum and dad in their house in Florida (and they paid our airfares out of pity), and we have had more holidays in the last 3 years, than we have in the previous 20 years of our being married.
The guilt I feel as a working mum is enormous. Today my son was sent home ill from school. it should have been me that picked him up - but I was working. My daughter rings me up at work, and I get snappy with her, and tell her I am working when, in reality, I'd much prefer to chat to her about her day. I get home tired and cross, and everything is a chore to get sorted out ready for the next day. Weekends are spent trying to keep on top of the washing, trying to spend some time with the kids, trying to be the adoring wife and its no fun at all.
On top of all this, I hate my bloody job. I'm rarely envious, but one thing I do envy is people who love their work. It would make the rest a lot easier to get through, I'm sure.
I know there are many other people in exactly the same position as me, and I'm not saying I'm a special case at all. I just can't understand where my neighbour got this perculiar notion that I'm some sort of career woman (no disrespect to those who are) who loves going to work. My mother-in-law seemed to think this was the case too (which was funny cos she knew how little my husband earned)
I want to be able to afford to stay at home, with a similar standard of living to what I have managed to achieve. I want to pick my kids up from school, although they're a bit old for that now, I want to make up for the years they had to go to after school clubs. I want to make them a delicious, tasty evening meal. I want to spend weekends enjoying my kids. I want to volunteer to go on school trips. I want to be able to pick them up from school when they are ill, or not force them to school when I know they're really not well, but I've nowhere else to send them.
So I'm greedy and I want a lot. I know it isn't going to happen but at least I can daydream about it.
4 Comments:
I *COMPLETELY* agree with you. I've always been independent. I've worked in one form or another since I was 10 years old, and all I've ever wanted was to be able to raise a family, to be THERE for my husband, or children, without having to shuffle a schedule or beg some evil corporate pig for time off.
It's not a cop out as some people seem to think.
It is a viable, worthy option.
It's just a bastard that so few people can actually aford to do it.
((hugs))
from a mans point of view your not wanting anything out of the ordinary.I was first wed in 1973 we had our first one in 1976 my wife stopped at home I worked longer harder and ended up with 2 jobs I didn't see them, so my wife then worked evenings, there is no easy way out of it really, same thing with 2nd marraige
its just a hamster wheel we all have to tred
I *do* sympathise. I loathe Tony Blair and his ilk, for carrying on with the Conservative idea that all women should go out to work, leaving their children to the dubious childcare options that their government has provided. Of course, it's nice to be able to afford the luxury of a second car - but wait a minute, it's no luxury; it's a necessity now that we have all these complicated arrangements and no time available to hang about waiting for whatever the dubious public transport system provides.
Women on benefit, in particular, leapt straight out of one poverty trap and into another. Now, if those children turn out badly, you know who will be blamed, don't you? The time and ability to nurture children is a sort of wealth that money just can't buy, but it can be stolen from you.
OK, rant over.....
You have made your choice. Complaining only makes it harder, doesn't it?
Have you made a calculation what exactly you wouldn't have in case that only your husband was working?
Visit the following page. Perhaps you could compare remunerations of the respective husbands.
http://www.mscperu.org/neos/cesarea/cesenglish/00david_silviaengl.htm
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