Never trust a man......

....to do anything properly.

My new washer came today. Except it isn't. Well, it is new, but it's a washer/dryer which is not what I wanted or needed. I asked for the most basic washer, seeing as I only ever use 2 programmes and the pre-wash. This has so many knobs and buttons I haven't a clue how to operate the damn thing.

The biggest mystery is the variable temperature control. For example, if I select the 40 degree cycle, do I have to also select 40 degrees on that too? If I decide I want to select 60, then why don't I just use a 60 degree programme. Bloody stupid if you ask me.

So Jonathan has managed to fuck up again. He'll be getting his final written warning at this rate.

Seeing as the festive season is over (I took my decorations down today, looks grim) I thought I'd ring the fireplace people up to see what was happening. Wish I'd never bothered. The lady on the phone said 'Oh yes, I remember, you want a 2" rebate" NO! I want a 2cm rebate, you've already given me a 2" one and it was wrong, wrong, wrong. "I'll look into it and ring you back," she said. She didn't.

Looks like we'll be living with bare plaster for a bit longer then.

I was tempted by another litre of Baileys in Tesco the other day (still on special offer at £9.88,) and, being pathetically weak, gave in. However, I haven't opened it yet because I'm still working my way through the Kahlua. I've never been one for sweet drinks before and wonder if this is the beginning of the end. After all you don't see many old ladies knocking back pints of Stella or dry white wine by the bottle, do you? All the other signs of old age are already in place, a moustache, saggy tits, grey hair and even my wrinkles have wrinkles. I shall really worry when I start considering shoes for comfort rather than cos they are slutty but shall console myself with cheap sweet sherry before shuffling round the shops for a flowery crimpolene frock.

And for those people who really know me, here is something to make you laugh. The same day I bought the Baileys I bought a new bra that fits me pretty well. Its a 38DD. No, really, it is. But I don't have DDs at all, it's the weirdest thing but it does fit. But who gives a shit, it's in black and white on the label.

I have magnificent 38DD breasts.