Up the junction

Went out in Otley last night. The first time for ages. There was just Mad Jane and I to start with, but Lynda Big-Lungs joined us later.

It really is a horrible place to be, so we decided we'd try a new bar for a change - can't even remember what it's called but it was full of kids. So then we were at a bit of a loose end as to where to go next.

So we went to the Junction. Now I have slated this a bit lately and now I have to retract (some of) what I have said.

It wasn't too bad in there at all, there were quite a few people I knew. Not everyone had beards or revolting jumpers. AND some people had recently been near water and deodorant. And my cider was lovely and cold and dry. I might even go there again.

When I'm really desperate.

Tagged or what?

MKWM (http://www.mkwm.blogspot.com/) has tagged me. I'm a tag virgin so I guess I attack the questions and then lumber someone else with them. Here goes.

Three Things That Scare Me:

1. Having to go to the funeral of either of my children.
2. Spiders. Yes I know I'm bigger and they're probably more frightened of me. But trust me, head to head, I'm the most scared.
3. Heights. In my mind there are 2 categories of height. Horrible injury and certain death. I can just about cope with certain death, it's the horrible injury that freaks me out.

Three People Who Make Me Laugh:

1. Mike Wright, he is by far the funniest person I have ever met.
2. Jeremy Clarkson (I think it's a middle-aged woman thing).
3. My youngest sister Charlotte, but she can make me cry too.

Three Things I Love:

1. My family.
2. Handbags - they always fit.
3. Cadbury's Creme Eggs.

Three Things I Hate:

1. Celery.
2. BO and halitosis.
3. My father-in-law (something I'm not proud of, but it's true).

Three Things I Don't Understand:

1. The attraction of taking drugs.
2. Why I will never be thin.
3. Anything Jonathan says - especially when he tries to add his version of reasoning.

Three Things On My Desk:

I only have a home desk and it's shared with all the family:

1. A pair of old sunglasses and an empty Coke can (thank you Theo).
2. A lamp that isn't plugged in.
3. My file for Financial Reporting and Management Accounting - open so I can pretend I'm doing 'something for uni' when I'm really doing this.

Three Things I'm Doing Right Now:

1. Mediating - between the kids
2. Trying to ignore the television. Ysabella's watching Mr Bean, which I hate with a vengence.
3. Overheating. Is it my age, the heating, or because it's Spring now the clocks have changed.

Three Things I Want To Do Before I Die:

1. See my grandchildren.
2. Go to Alaska/Canada.
3. Please myself for a whole week. Without having to consider one person at all. And preferably before I'm too old to appreciate it.

Three Things I Can Do:

1. Drive well (but doesn't everybody think they can do that?)
2. Text for Britain. I have a demon left thumb and I probably have a pretty high wpm count.
3. Throw a decent barbecue - with a little help from the rest of the family.

Three Things I Can't Do:

1. Ice skate - but then why would I want to?
2. Get my legs over my head. I used to be able to but I can't any more.
3. Light a barbecue - that's why I have to keep Jonathan.

Three Things I Think You Should Listen To:

1. Your heart.
2. My sister sing - she's not at all bad really for a soprano. Look out for her appearing near you, her name is Sarah Estill, tell her I sent you.
3. Me.

Three Things I'd Like To Learn:

1. To ride a motorbike.
2. How to be a great parent.
3. How to lose weight and keep it OFF.

Three Favourite Foods:

1. Salad, especially a great Chicken Caesar Salad - but NO celery, ever.
2. Fruit. I eat shit loads of the stuff most days. Don't like pears though and apples and oranges are boring. Having a big mango thing at the moment.
3. Pasta, but I rarely eat it these days.

Three Shows I Watched As A Kid:

1. Blue Peter, of course.
2. Andy Pandy.
3. I love Lucy.

Three things you should never listen to:

1. A baby crying for a cuddle - just pick the wee thing up and enjoy.
2. My daughter when she is in Queen Bitch mode.
3. Anything by the Smiths or Morrisey

Three Wonderful People to Inflict My Meme On:

I was going to choose The Gothster (http://spanishgoth.blogspot.com/) for his sympathy regarding my recent night 'out' in Bingley but Drama Queen got him, so......

1. Tired Dad (http://tireddad2.blogspot.com/) because he needs to remember life before kids.
2. I shall also pick on f:lux (http://fluxpix.blogspot.com/) too cos she has the decency to not put celery in ratatouille
3. And why not Mr Farty (http://betterootthanin.blogspot.com/) because I'm pleased he vents his wind in Scotland and not round these parts.

What the F***?!?!

What the hell is happening to my friends?

It's Cheltenham Week (in case you don't know) and Paul takes the week off to indulge in a spot of watching the gee-gees and the odd 50p each way bet (or something). On Wednesday Ian came up from Nottingham to play with Paul, and in the pub that night he told me that he doesn't drink through the week any more. What?? At least he's got the decency to still smoke full strength cigs.

And then that ridiculous trip to the cinema with Andrea-the-Viking.

On Saturday night Lynda Four-Wheeldrive is having a do for her birthday. A girls' night IN. Did I read that invite correctly? Oh yes. Apparently there will be food, drinks and a jewellery party. On a Saturday? Night? Help meeeeeeeeeeee. These things are bad enough on a Tuesday night - but at the weekend?

Worse still she lives in Bingley so I'll have to drive over the Moors and it's a shit road, and a well known PAR (Police Avoidance Route) so I will not even be having one teeny weeny glass of wine so I can handle the bends and the piss-heads on the drive back. So I'll have to stay up until 4 in the morning to catch up on the wine I will no doubtedly miss out on.

Paul's also loved-up with Angela, (it's her birthday tomorrow - happy birthday Angela) so he's gone from being a reliable boozing buddy to a boring old fart. (Yes, YOU!)

Of course there's always Mad Jane, but going out with her is always ruled by one thing, and that is really getting on my nerves now. Note to MJ, they are all crap, a right waste of space, and mostly married. Forget them and find someone new (and unmarried).

Oh yes!!!!!

2,721,342

What a talent!

Wasn't it pretty?

The lunar eclipse, that is.

March already, how bloody scary. I can barely remember it's 2007, I'm sticking a bit on 2002.

So what have I been doing these last few days? Well drinking too much wine, and then sleeping it off, mostly. Did the Friday lunch thang, then came home and had a small nap - for 4 1/2 hours!

I went to the cinema on Wednesday. I hate going to the cinema, but Andrea-the-Viking made me go. We usually go out to get pissed but this time she insisted on the cinema. When we were having a pre-show pile of pasta she said 'Do you know, the last time we went to the cinema was to see The Full Monty!' I said 'Well that's cos I hate going to the cinema, why do we have to go?' Andrea-the-Viking is obviously an even more boring old fart than me cos she said 'I thought we should do something different cos usually we just go out and get pissed.'

And what's wrong with that? If we hadn't been going out and getting pissed in Otley and then hijacking some poor unsuspecting passenger and 'sharing' his taxi to Ilkley, she would never have met her husband in the dive of all dives - the Trav (RIP).

So there I was in a sulky mood cos not only did I have to do the sitting still for an eternity in the dark, but I was too weak-willed to avoid the carb-ladened pasta. And then we made our way to the cinema.

We were in screen 7. For those of you unfamiliar to the Vue in Leeds Light there is the reception area with some screens, and then escalators and a lift up to a sort of half way floor. The lift stops here but there are 2 separate escalators up to the next level where the screens are. And they were both going down. So I had to walk up a flight of stairs. Not exactly a tragedy, but with my manky knee it was pretty painful.

When I got to the top I rather ungraciously said the the ticket collecting girl 'How hilarious that BOTH escalators are going down - how great when you've got a cartilage-free knee.'

When we came out both escalators were switched OFF. And walking down stairs is no easier for me at the moment. I was bloody seething. In fact it's only today, 3 days later, that my unmanky knee has stopped hurting cos I think I strained the muscles in my 'good' leg. I hate this getting old and everything dropping to bits.

Anyway, I've learnt my lesson and next time I go out with Andrea-the-Viking we are getting pissed whether she likes it or not.